It was one of those days where the Frothers showed up with 11 bodies, 10 hearts, and 0 luck.

The game kicked off with optimism in the air… for about 9 minutes. Then Ian, full of promise and preseason hope, pulled something (his hammy, his groin, maybe his dignity), and gracefully bowed out of the match like a Victorian damsel fainting in a Jane Austen novel.

Down to 10 men with 80+ minutes to go, the Frothers dug deep. Really deep. Like Mariana Trench levels of deep. But sadly, it was like trying to plug a leaky submarine with Blu Tack. One goal slipped through… then another… and another. The scoreboard looked like a cruel joke, but anyone watching knew the Frothers were fighting with everything they had—and one man down.

Hero of the Day

Hugo. Solo right-back warrior. After Ian abandoned the wing like it was a sinking ship, Hugo stayed behind to defend the flank like it was sacred land. Man of the Match, no question. May his calves recover swiftly.

Dick of the Day

Ian. For trying to claim a clean sheet bonus after 10 minutes of cardio, two touches, and a gentle jog off the field. Nice try mate. But you don’t get a medal for showing up and immediately clocking out.