The third grading game, with guest team manager Yarride.

While it felt like half the team had their little ones on the sideline watching, it was the man who walked out on his baby’s first birthday party to play who won the game for the Frothers. Dad of the Year, Jamie Tartt Bunting’s exquisite double setting the platform for a comfortable win against the Blackbulls.

A bright start from the Frothers resulted in Bunting’s first, a rocket into the roof of the net after some good hustle work to get a shot away. A prolonged period of dominance followed that featured three shots against the woodwork, including one outrageous turn and shoot from Boss Baby Murray and a cheeky back heel from Baby Got Back Daily.

Finally it was Ice Ice Baby Molyneaux that doubled the lead with a cool finish assisted by a bad back pass thanks to some great pressing from Ian. Ian deserves special mention for his performance as an Alexander-Arnold inspired inverted full back proving that not every baby can be put in a corner.

Blackbulls came out strong in the second half and as the score was the dreaded 2-0 it looked almost certain they would come back. But against the run of play, Bunting scored his second, a stunning shot from well outside the box that found the bottom corner through the legs of a defender. The complete lack of celebration by the Frothers obviously affected the mindset of Blackbulls who lost all energy, just asking for the Frothers to hit them baby one more time.

Patrick duly delivered for the Frothers fourth but this reporter couldn’t give you any more details because his own baby was at that moment being especially cute and he got distracted. 4-0 it ended, as the Frothers charge towards Division 2 continues to falter. If results like this continue, they may find themselves not only in the elite league but near the top of the table.

With Big Baby Daddy Chester away, it fell to Baby Blue Eyes Farshid to lead the team from the back and what a performance he put in, giving the Blackbull attackers a 90 minute nightmare. Well supported by Doube the Pork Belly Baby and Jacob who may not be having any babies after getting kicked in the gonads and leaving the game early. The brilliant team defence meant it was another quiet day for Baby Yoda Kindell in goal, yet to concede this year.

MVP

A trio of mums deserve special mention, Lisa for picking up a win in her return to football, Kate for doing her best De Gea impression in diving across the field to protect one Frother Baby, and Em for giving Bunting the green light to abandon his daughter and put in a man of the match performance.

Dick of the Day

Jacob because literally, his dick may never be the same again and that poor man deserves some sympathy.